Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Aftermath

I've had three big shocking disappointments or let-downs in my life. This is the latest one. The first two were women breaking up with me. This one has thrown me for a loop like I never would have imagined. I was so down yesterday, that it seemed I had found a new low I had never discovered before. I was so down that I thought the program director was just lying when she said she was excited about being matched with me. I was so down that I thought my friends were avoiding talking to me and running away from me every time I approched them. I was so down that I thought a woman I was about to ask out was doing all she could to stay away from talking to me, so I ended up not asking her out and thinking that I would pull back and let her make the next move. All very different attitudes and perspectives than I usually have. In some cases, it may be very good for me. But, I realized that it was natural after such a huge disappointment to feel down. I rode it out. Today I just feel midly sad. I'm sure I will come out of it fine in a day or so. I'll not worry about it and just move on with regular living.....Now to find me a date for Saturday...

Monday, February 27, 2006

Stunner!

To: [name surname] - Applicant Code #####

This message provides you with your Match result for the APPIC Internship Matching Program for internship positions beginning in 2006.

Congratulations! You have been matched to:

Training Site: UNIV OF UTAH NEUROPSYCHIATRIC

Program: PSYCHOLOGY INTERNSHIP

Program Code: 159711

Frankly, I'm stunned. I stared at my compter screen for five minutes just trying to take it in. I was convinced that Boston would be the place. I'm somewhat ambivalent about UNI. It has great facilities and offers a lot of diversity of experience as far as testing and therapy goes. I get a range of disorders and ages, all with an inpatient population that I am looking for. I am also close to BYU so I can continue my lines of research and keep more in touch with my dissertation chair. I'll be close to family and friends, too. But I really didn't expect this. I can't turn it down, but secretly, I was really looking forward to moving somewhere else. This will be interesting. Oh well. I guess I'll get a lot of skiing and climbing in next year.

Honestly, I'm still stunned. I don't know when it will set in. I really don't get it.

Crazy. What an interesting turn of events this was. It was kind of at the bottom of my list. After I had submitted my list, I kind of wondered if I should have even put it on there. Only Emory was lower, and I was just one of their backups to a backup. So if I hadn't put UNI on my list, I probably wouldn't have been placed. That's really kind of funny. I guess I'm not as good a candidate as I thought I was. This is a good eye-opening experience for me. I'm not sure what it all means, but I can guarantee that I'll be mulling it over from time to time until I finally figure out what I think about it. So stay tuned.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Alta

Jo Jo and I went to Alta for a half day today. Lines were short, weather was great, snow was nice. Check out the pics below if you want, and vote on the best ones of the repeats. I won't keep them all. Jo Jo has learned a lot from the BYU ski class. I was impressed with her confidence and ability to take on anything and survive. Way to go, little Jo!
Middle of the day
Another middle of the day picture.
Another start of the day pic
end of the day
Start of the day

Friday, February 24, 2006

What have I done to myself?

I just graded papers for more than two hours, and I am only about a fifth of the way done. I would be completely upset with the assignment and the person who made it, but I'm the one who made it. My poor colleagues who teach the other sections have to do the same grading because of me. This is a great assignment for the students to learn and get feedback, but it is killing me to get it all graded. I would be upset, but it's all my fault. Be sure that I won't make this mistake again. I'm only going to have each student write one essay instead of two from now on. The only thing that made the grading doable was that I had the olympics on mute, so I could look up from time to time and take a break. Maybe it slowed me down a bit, but it kept me going too.

The best part of watching the olympics tonight is that I got to see Julia Mancuso from the U.S. win the Giant Slalom. It was amazing to see her ski that course in conditions that slowed everyone else down, and yet she made better time than anyone. It was even more rewarding for me because early in the games I saw an interview with her and a comperable interview with Lindsey Kildow, her friendly competitor on the U.S. team. Lindsey said winning was everything. Julia said that as long as she had a good time and tried her hardest, she was happy and felt successful. What a difference in attitude! I admired Julia for her attitude and wanted her to win.

Unfortunately, in her first three events, she performed well, but did not medal. Then came today. She won the gold! I knew it earlier today, but watching it, I realized that she deserved that medal just for her continued positive attitude and hard work. She was amazing. I love her attitude. Then, in the end, to see her excitement and her family and coaching staff's excitement, I was even more impressed. It was so genuine and refreshing. It was a great end to the olympics for me. I know that there is still tomorrow and Sunday to go, but I'm not that interested in the rest of the results. This was a great finish for me. Thank you Julia Mancuso for your refreshing attitude and performance compared to so many spoiled U.S. athelets. You would have won gold in my book without an actual medal, but you deserve this.

Olympics philosophy

I have to say, I've been watching the olympics pretty closely, and I think it is awesome that the Japanese woman, Arakawa, won the gold in figure skating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a U.S. hater or anything, but I think that the world would be a better place if the Olympics weren't dominated by Western countries. If the Olympics are supposed to bring the world together, then it seems a little counterproductive to invite the world and then win all the medals and act like morons fighting over team stuff (e.g. Hedrick and Davis). It's like inviting people over to play video games, but they only get one chance and they're not as good so they get beaten or loose quickly and then you sit down to play a game that you know backwards and forwards, and you play for the next two hours while they sit there and watch. It just seems to be somewhat bad taste. So in my mind, the more medals won by countries outside of N.America and Europe the better. Even some of the small countries in Europe can win more medals. I just get sick of the U.S., Russia, Germany domination.

On the whole, I think the Olympics are wonderful and a great thing for the world. I would just like to see more people from Africa, Asia, the Arab world, S. America, and Oceana involved. And I would love for all U.S. atheletes to be good sports. But that's asking too much. We're spoiled brats.

Surrogate

It occurs to me that this blog may actually be a poor stand-in for a significant other in my life. I just got into the blog scene this week, and I already find myself having thoughts and saying, "I want to write that down...I could put that on my blog." I think those thoughts would be things that I would share with my imagined wife. I've gone without sharing those thoughts for so long, waiting for a partner to share them with, that now I find it very refreshing to have an outlet.

Blog away, Bog.

Of course, I don't exactly have much of a readership, and not really any dialogue, so it is a poor replacement for a warm, responsive body to talk to. But at least it's a replacement. I can even sometimes imagine that someone out there is going to read it.

Anyway, in an interesting contrast to the blog, I just talked with my Dad and Mom on the phone and let them know the news about the internship. There's the responsive body. And it was more fulfilling to tell them and get their responses, compared to the open-ended nature of the blog: my precious thoughts hanging out there in cyberspace; floating around, waiting for someone to glace at it and hopefully say, "oh, what a pretty constelation of words and ideas. I'd like to see this again and see how the constelation changes with time." But for now, it's just hanging out there.

And it occurs to me that this is somewhat like my dating life as well. I sometimes feel that I am floating out there in daterspace, waiting for someone to glace up and say, "oh, what an intriguing constelation of thoughts, qualities, and behavior. I would like to learn more about it and see how it changes with my influence." Of course, the guilty little part of me reminds me that plenty of women have done this, and I have rejected so many.

Maybe I'm more like a spinner lure, trolling along for fish. But not just any fish will do. I'm in some inexplicable fishing competition with unknown competitors, and I'm catching and releasing like a mad man, just hoping that through statistical sampling, I'm bound to catch the rare, prize fish.

Okay, somehow my metaphore shifted from me being a spinner to me being the fisherman. Does that reflect the Western Philosophical influence in my thinking: I've always got to be in control, not just an item in a bigger scene. And another somewhat disturbing implication to that metaphore: can anyone say "Catch 22?"

So I'm stuck streaming my consciousness onto an electric screen instead of sharing my intimate thoughts with someone I know. I hope you as my immagined reader appreciates the fascinating postition that technology allows us to assume in other peoples lives.

Now back to reality.

Anticlimactic?

To: [name surname] - Applicant Code #####

This message provides you with your Match result for the APPIC Internship Matching Program for internship positions beginning in 2006.

Congratulations! You have been matched to an internship position.

Information on the specific program to which you have been matched will be available on the Matching Program web site beginning at 10:00 a.m. EST on Monday, February 27, 2006. This information will also be sent to you by e-mail on Monday morning, February 27, 2006.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

*** Please do NOT respond to this e-mail. ***

If you receive this message prior to checking the Matching Program web site for your Match result, there is no need for you to also check the web site before 10:00 a.m. EST on February 27, as the information on the web site is the same as in this message.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Couldn't Sleep

What if I do get placed at Boston? That would be a grand adventure. I would be working at the Boston Univerisity Medical Center as a Psychiatry and Psychology Fellow. I would also be a Psychology Fellow at Boston Univerisity. I would also officially be a Psychology Intern with The Center for Multicultural Training in Psychology. Me. Multicultural. Me. Mister average, middle-class, white, 29 year-old, single, white, heterosexual, christian. Multicultural? Well, it's possible, even probable, that they have never had a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in their program. So I might actually represent a culture that they have not to this point had represented in their program. That seems like a huge responsibility to me, to represent The Church in my words and actions while working there. Oh yeah, that's going to be an adventure. Undoubtedly, I'll have some learning to do.

Okay, second try at sleep.

Almost There

I find out sometime tomorrow morning. I hope my email works! That would be a fine day for the BYU email system to decide to be inconsistent. I'll probably check before running at 5:30 am and then after I get back as well. I expect it will come while I am running. I just have to remember that I only hear whether I got a spot, not where it is. That comes on Monday. It's a lovely wait. Well, 5:30 in the blessed am comes early, and I expect another freeze fest up the canyon, so I probably need to get some sleep to prepare.

Ciao.
Somehow, this didn't get published with the other Snowbasin pics. I don't yet know how to edit the order of the posts, so it goes in here. But I thought it was a good one.

Still Waiting

T: Minus 1 day, and counting. I'm a little excited to see where I go. On the other hand, part of me is also hoping that I don't get placed. If I don't, I would have a year to finish my dissertation, do more research, hopefully get more publications, work with more clients, teach more, and make myself look like a better candidate for internships. So I would probably get a better one next year. Plus, I would have a lot of time to play. I couldn't complain about that, especially since I have no family to take care of. I really don't need to be rushing my career along. But if I happen to get placed, that will be a good adventure too. And I can always take a year after intership to finish things up if that is needed (although I don't think it will be necissary).

So that's the current state of my mind regarding internships. We'll see what actually happens. I really think that I'll be going to Boston. That would be a grand adventure.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Boston

Below are pictures of my trip to Boston for an internship interview. I went the third week of January. It was interesting weather. But despite the storm, I loved the city. It was a great place. I love the justaposition of modern city with old historic sites mixed in. I rented a car at the airport and drove into the city. It happens to be a crazy city for driving, but I found my way around. It was a fun challenge to navigate.

First Stop: Boston Temple.
James Townsend's tomb at Kings Chapel Burial Ground. Am I related to this guy? I seem to remember his name for some reason.
The North Chapel
Boston Temple. I thought the white steeple looked kind of out of place with the rest of the temple. But it is a beautiful temple otherwise.
Monument at Bunkers Hill
Old cemetary at night in downtown Boston. I think I speak for us all when I say, "Creepy."
Another Cool Headstone.
Paul Revere at the North Chapel. By the way, what ever happened to that one guy who rode nine-tenths of the way?
Cool Headstone.
Bunkers Hill Monument
Boston from the top of the Bunkers Hill Monument
Self Portrait at Kings Chapel Burial Ground - I'm almost dry after walking in a downpour for an hour.
Boston Temple.
Kings Chapel Burial Ground - Very Historic

Swell Hike

The following are pictures from a hike in the San Rafael Swell at the beginning of the year. It was great getting almost lost, wandering around for a while. Getting back later than we wanted. Wandering in the desert is one of life's many joys.
Getting ready for the hike. Rulon, Bren, Dennis, and my shadow.
One of those mountain landmarks we were searching for for a while.
dropping down off the plateau.
everyone's happy to find it.
I like the big stones.
pictographs at the start of the canyon.
cool rock.
awesome hike.
are those the La Sal's?
Heading down the canyon.
another view
I like how the rock dives into the sand here.
another view
this one's pretty good.
I like this one the best.
after the hike.

Snowbasin

The following are pics from Friday's trip to Snowbasin. It was cold but good. I was just starting learning how to post to the blog, which is why they are out of order. It's a good learning experience, but I'm too lazy to delete them all and start over to do it right. I'll just go on from here and do better with other posts.

-End of the day.
Another view.
I entered the bowl at those trees.
again
Ogden and The Great Salt Lake
It's cold up here.
This is a nice view of the ridge.
glowing sky-needs work
Worth a little hike for the skiing off the edge.
Darin, Jon, Rex - Snowbasin

Monday, February 20, 2006

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I think I'm getting the hang of this. Got some pics up anyway. Edited my profile. See if I can get cracking on some killer content. Yeah. Right.
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