Tepid

I’m waiting for A_____ to get off work and call. We’re going climbing. I haven’t been in a while. Evidently, she climbs like a spider. And she has a quarry membership. How cool (and inexpensive for me) is that?

I used to take women climbing all the time on dates. It was fun, for the most part. But then I realized that I was spending a ton of money on a lot of women who didn’t really enjoy the activity. So I decided that as long as I was going to spend that money, I was going to spend it on an activity that she enjoyed as well, not just me.

Which brings up the potentially biggest problem in my mind with my whole life style. 9 years of approximately 1.5 dates per week at a conservative estimate of $20/date….

Yeah. I’m not a numbers person, but I think that may be a significant figure. Hope it has paid off in some immaterial way….

But back to the topic of the title of this entry: I am not enamored with A_______. I’m feeling kind of ambivalent. I guess that’s what dating is for. Give it enough time, and I can see where my feelings go. It’s an expensive experiment, with more than just monetary costs.

Event Horizon

In support of OWW, I am reporting on the goal I made to get to bed before ten o'clock on the weekdays this week. Last night I had a bit of freetime, so I started watching TV as I ate a snack. That, of course is a dangerous thing for me to do. The TV is like a black hole that swallows my life if I get past the event horizon. It took away most of my adolescence. I've been able to break free periodically, but often have moments, hours, days of relapse. So I should have known that by turning on the TV last night I was going to have difficulty reaching my goal. Sure enough, at 9:35, I realized that I was still sitting on my duff, not preparing for bed like I would need to. With herculean effort, I tore myself away from the stupid fantasy show I was hypnotized by, and conqured my demon for one more day. I made it to bed at 9:59! Yeah. Just barely. Tonight should be better, since I have institute until 8:30 or later. No chance to be drawn in by the overpowering gravity of the black hole of mediocre TV.

Embarrassment

I went to my JoJoba's FHE tonight at her Bishop’s request. He wanted me to talk to a woman in the ward from Bulgaria. I guess it was supposed to be a fellowshipping thing. I met Teodora and talked to her for a while, and then guy got up on stage and asked for everyone's attention. He called his girlfriend of two months up on stage and started playing the painfully inept song he obviously wrote for her. I was immediately embarrassed for him. I could see the proposal coming from a mile away, and a few thoughts immediately came to mind.

1. He obviously doesn’t understand women, or he wouldn’t be making a spectacle of the proposal in front of the whole ward.
2. He evidently doesn’t realize that his song is excruciatingly awkward, as is his playing.
3. He probably doesn’t realize that she will be crying herself to sleep tonight because of the botched job he’s done at this once-in-a-lifetime-dreamed-for moment.

Five minutes later, he is still clumsily plucking away at the guitar, and strumming spasmodically the verses, as he sings about some hypothetical guy wondering if he is in love with some hypothetical girl, and I’m thinking:

1. Does he think anyone doesn’t know he’s singing about himself and his girlfriend?
2. Does he realize that she saw it coming the minute he called her up there, and she has been flushed and embarrassed, staring at the wall for the last five minutes hoping that he will stop singing already and get on with the ghastly thing since he has decided to massacre such a potentially beautiful moment?
3. I’m sure glad I never played the awfully similar love songs I have written for girlfriends to an audience of more than one.

A few minutes later, he finally gets to the part of the song where he cleverly reveals that he was singing about himself and his feelings for her all along. Shocker. Who knew? At this point Teodora leans over to me and says:

1. This must be so shameful to her.
2. I would never want my fiancé to do this to me.

And the woman next to us says, “If I were her, I would say no.”

Finally, in slow motion, he finishes the song, goes to his guitar case and gets out a ring. He then tells her that he doesn’t have a speech prepared, or any special words but…..blaah blaah blaah….she says yes and hugs him, everyone claps, and then (this is the very best part) they get off the stage and walk away from each other! Holy Hannah! Do they even care about each other at all? That is just incomprehensible to me.

The whole scene really was like a very long boring nightmare. And the worst part of it is that despite the awfulness of it all, he will be married in a short time,

and I will still be single.

Anticlimax

Looks like I'm batting .500. Kind of....

I waited until just before time for the bass recital yesterday for C_____ to call. She never did. I assumed, of course that this meant she was still in her test. So I called just to make sure. Nope. She hadn't even started taking the test. Looks like I was wrong about her interest.

But then, that's nothing new apparently. It seems I have been wrong about L_____, J______, and C______ in the last week. It's always good to have a reality check once in a while. I think my ego was getting a little too large.

But as large as my ego was, and as small as it has shrunken to, I still met A____ at the HFAC to go to a play. She actually showed up. That was nice. We went to the play and I tried to make conversation with her. It was a little dull and forced. She appeared to have trouble looking at me. She didn't really ask me anything about myself. She appeared to enjoy talking with her friends who were there more than trying to get to know me.

Of course, there are numerous possible explinations for these behaviors. I would put money on her being a little shy. Or maybe it was the pustule spewing forth green gobs from my chin.

What do you think. Should I have plastic surgery?

Anyway, she seemed to loosen up a little after the play when we went to the resturant. But there didn't seem to be much interest there on either end. She does like to climb, so I may call her in a few weeks to see if she wants to go climbing. The problem is that there is no excitement there, even as I say that.

Which takes me back to the running analogy. There is no race right now that I know about that I can enter to even go all out. The only one was L______, and I was disqualified right out of the gate. Bummer.

I need to find another race to run. Hopefully an exotic one.

Running

I ran the Rex Lee Run 5k with JoJoba and her roommate this morning. They did a good job. They ran the whole way. I stayed with them the whole time. I always wonder how fast I can run, but I only sign up for races when I have people to run with. I would rather run with them and keep them company than go all out. Which is fun in its own way, but to some extent doesn't make much sense. I can always do training runs with people. Maybe I'm just afraid of how bad I would do if I actually tried in a race.

I wonder if that goes for my dating life too. There are plenty of women out there that I can keep up with. Do I go out with them to prove to myself that I feel like I can reach higher afterward? Am I afraid to go all out and try for the biggest goals because I don't know if I can do it? Part of me wonders if that's the case. The other part says, "no."

Actually, L____ is a good example of me going for it. I've gone for it quite a bit. I've always crashed and burned sooner or later, but at least I've gone for it.

Maybe someday I'll sign up for a race just to go all out and see what I can do.

Awesome!

I wish I had read this five hours ago: BCACL Team on Kilimanjaro

I would have made my students in my Psych Testing and Measurement Class read and discuss it. So many people look at a diagonsis of disability and make judgements limiting the possibilities for others. This story is just one more indication that we can never know what someone can or cannot do.

Don't ever judge or limit someone else by the way you act around them. Instead, why not help them? I loved this quote from the article:

"Whilst many 'healthy' climbers reportedly perform expeditions to raise awareness for different charities, the BCACL team members needed no one else to delegate on, in order to reach the top of Africa. They climbed the peak themselves, thus proving they're not a subject of charity, but of admiration....these climbers took values of collaboration up to the very summit. Lack of such convictions have made much more experienced climbers, busy fighting each other and feeding their egos, to fail in their goals much too often."

That's so true.

Three's Company

I ran into C____ today. I asked her to go to the bass recital of my friend Regan on Saturday during the day. She said she had to take a test, but if she got done in time, then she could go. I'm pretty positive she'll finish her test on time. So that's a go. I think I'll keep it at only two dates on Saturday.

J____ called me last night and invited me over to watch some of Gilmore Girls. She said it would help me understand her and her roommates better. I went over and the show was full of lots of interesting stuff. Girls kissing girls, raves, scantily clad women and men doing lots of interesting stuff, etc. Up until that point, I thought I understood them pretty well. So when I saw all that, I was a little confused. What does she want me to understand about them?

I actually commented in a somewhat joking manner about what the show was portraying, and her roommate became all defensive and disinvited me from ever coming over to watch the show again. Funny stuff.

Yep. It definitely helped me understand her and her roommates a little more.

Fascinating.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Who doesn't believe that the decision to invade Iraq was a poor one? I'm interested in their reasoning. President Bush has now announced that it will be up to his successor to decide when and how the troops will come home. Sounds like we are in another quagmire to me. If we leave early, the country will fall into civil war and anarchy, thousands will die, and in the end a strong, charismatic leader will probably brutally take control and we will be left where we started.

If, on the other hand, we stay there and try to put the country back together at the same rate and level of effort we are currently putting into it, anarchy will continue, thousands will die, and we will spend billions in nation-building that may, or may not, show any tangible results. In the end, a future president of the U.S. will decide that enough is enough, and pull out. From here, we go back to the first option.

If on the other hand, we commit ourselves fully to the process and up our level of intervention, we will probably tick off the remaining undecided people, and some of our allies as well, with an increased U.S. military presence, and the insurgency will strengthen. In the end, we will spend billions of dollars more, anarchy will continue, thousands will die, and we will end up spending our resources and finally pulling out, taking us back to option one.

Best case scenario: all the insurgents decide to lay down their weapons and take part in a civil dialogue about the need for tolerance and patience as they work hand in hand for a new government incorporating all three of the major religious viewpoints in the country. Chance that this will happen: 0%

Most realistic best case scenario: we continue at the level of intervention we are at, and the sectarian violence peaks from it's current upward climb, and then slowly decreases as the activities of the newly formed government begin to take more and more effect in peoples lives, and less people believe that violence will change where the country is headed. In this scenario, we still spend billions of dollars, thousands die in the anarchy, and in the end, long years from now, we have a rebuilt, viable Iraqi State that functions through democratic means.

If this last case were to happen, I believe it would take at least twice as long as it already has, and that's a very optimistic view. We're already at three.

I honestly don't believe this will happen. Too many U.S. soldiers do ghastly, dishonorable things, such as the Marines I heard about today that were attacked by a roadside bomb so they went to the three nearest houses and summarilly shot all the men, women, and children inside. 23 defensless Iraqis were killed in cold blood by U.S. soldiers who were mad about being attacked. As long as this goes on, few Iraqis will trust the U.S. to help them build a new country. Plus, most of the Arab world feels very criticized by the U.S., and does not look on our activities with a friendly eye. If you think our media focus on the negative is bad, the Arab press is ten times worse. With this kind of focus on the negative, there's no way people are going to start saying: "Wow, these Americans aren't as bad as we thought. Maybe we should help them out." If they were going to do this, it would have happened long ago.

Sorry, call me pessimistic, but we are responsible for the condition of that country (consider that we were instrumental in bringing Sadam Hussein to power in the first place), and we haven't done anywhere near the quality of job we should have.

So it doesn't matter what adventure you choose here. It looks like all roads lead to Rome...burning.

Preventative vs. Preemptive

TOTN yesterday discussed the difference between a preemptive war and a preventative war, along with the morality and the international law regarding these practices. Preventive war is when you go to war against a nation in order to prevent something happening later, but there is no imminent threat. A preemptive war is when there is an imminent threat and you strike first to avoid too many casualties. Evidently, the U.S. has a long history or preemptive war, and this is not against international law, whereas preventative war is against international law. There is little question in most peoples’ minds about the morality of a preemptive war, whereas arguments abound regarding preventative wars. For example, some assert that preventative action against Germany in the ‘30s when they re-militarized the Rhine-land would have saved the world a long and costly war.

So it seems that I am in violation of international law. I have a long history of preventative war maneuvers. I often will stop going out with someone long before it comes to a crisis if I am pretty sure I am not interested in them. Whereas, I am terrible at the preemptive thing. I will often ask someone out that one last time when it is pretty obvious that they are not interested, just to find out. So much for morality and international law in my dating life.

Now on to what you are all waiting for: A____ called me back last night a few minutes after I left a message. I assume she was screening her calls and checked with her friend _e___ to see if I was psycho or not before she called me back. She said she had been to the play already, but would be willing to go again since she has to do a report on it. So, even if nothing else works out, at least I will have helped someone in their schooling.

Maybe that will make up for the immorality of any preventative measures that I may take in the future.

Datecrusher Update

So I gave up on the analyses and decided to just go for the gusto. I got A___'s number from _e___, M_____'s roommate, and gave her a call.

Yep. She didn't answer. I left a message. We'll see if she calls back anytime in the next millenium.

The biggest problem is that I don't really have any other time to do something with her than Saturday night, so I can't really ask anyone else out until I hear from her.

Maybe this is what Brother Brigham meant when he said we would get ourselves "rich and fat and busy, and kick ourselves down to H____." Oh wait, he said Lazy instead of Busy. I was pretty close.