Tepid

I’m waiting for A_____ to get off work and call. We’re going climbing. I haven’t been in a while. Evidently, she climbs like a spider. And she has a quarry membership. How cool (and inexpensive for me) is that?

I used to take women climbing all the time on dates. It was fun, for the most part. But then I realized that I was spending a ton of money on a lot of women who didn’t really enjoy the activity. So I decided that as long as I was going to spend that money, I was going to spend it on an activity that she enjoyed as well, not just me.

Which brings up the potentially biggest problem in my mind with my whole life style. 9 years of approximately 1.5 dates per week at a conservative estimate of $20/date….

Yeah. I’m not a numbers person, but I think that may be a significant figure. Hope it has paid off in some immaterial way….

But back to the topic of the title of this entry: I am not enamored with A_______. I’m feeling kind of ambivalent. I guess that’s what dating is for. Give it enough time, and I can see where my feelings go. It’s an expensive experiment, with more than just monetary costs.

Event Horizon

In support of OWW, I am reporting on the goal I made to get to bed before ten o'clock on the weekdays this week. Last night I had a bit of freetime, so I started watching TV as I ate a snack. That, of course is a dangerous thing for me to do. The TV is like a black hole that swallows my life if I get past the event horizon. It took away most of my adolescence. I've been able to break free periodically, but often have moments, hours, days of relapse. So I should have known that by turning on the TV last night I was going to have difficulty reaching my goal. Sure enough, at 9:35, I realized that I was still sitting on my duff, not preparing for bed like I would need to. With herculean effort, I tore myself away from the stupid fantasy show I was hypnotized by, and conqured my demon for one more day. I made it to bed at 9:59! Yeah. Just barely. Tonight should be better, since I have institute until 8:30 or later. No chance to be drawn in by the overpowering gravity of the black hole of mediocre TV.

Embarrassment

I went to my JoJoba's FHE tonight at her Bishop’s request. He wanted me to talk to a woman in the ward from Bulgaria. I guess it was supposed to be a fellowshipping thing. I met Teodora and talked to her for a while, and then guy got up on stage and asked for everyone's attention. He called his girlfriend of two months up on stage and started playing the painfully inept song he obviously wrote for her. I was immediately embarrassed for him. I could see the proposal coming from a mile away, and a few thoughts immediately came to mind.

1. He obviously doesn’t understand women, or he wouldn’t be making a spectacle of the proposal in front of the whole ward.
2. He evidently doesn’t realize that his song is excruciatingly awkward, as is his playing.
3. He probably doesn’t realize that she will be crying herself to sleep tonight because of the botched job he’s done at this once-in-a-lifetime-dreamed-for moment.

Five minutes later, he is still clumsily plucking away at the guitar, and strumming spasmodically the verses, as he sings about some hypothetical guy wondering if he is in love with some hypothetical girl, and I’m thinking:

1. Does he think anyone doesn’t know he’s singing about himself and his girlfriend?
2. Does he realize that she saw it coming the minute he called her up there, and she has been flushed and embarrassed, staring at the wall for the last five minutes hoping that he will stop singing already and get on with the ghastly thing since he has decided to massacre such a potentially beautiful moment?
3. I’m sure glad I never played the awfully similar love songs I have written for girlfriends to an audience of more than one.

A few minutes later, he finally gets to the part of the song where he cleverly reveals that he was singing about himself and his feelings for her all along. Shocker. Who knew? At this point Teodora leans over to me and says:

1. This must be so shameful to her.
2. I would never want my fiancé to do this to me.

And the woman next to us says, “If I were her, I would say no.”

Finally, in slow motion, he finishes the song, goes to his guitar case and gets out a ring. He then tells her that he doesn’t have a speech prepared, or any special words but…..blaah blaah blaah….she says yes and hugs him, everyone claps, and then (this is the very best part) they get off the stage and walk away from each other! Holy Hannah! Do they even care about each other at all? That is just incomprehensible to me.

The whole scene really was like a very long boring nightmare. And the worst part of it is that despite the awfulness of it all, he will be married in a short time,

and I will still be single.

Anticlimax

Looks like I'm batting .500. Kind of....

I waited until just before time for the bass recital yesterday for C_____ to call. She never did. I assumed, of course that this meant she was still in her test. So I called just to make sure. Nope. She hadn't even started taking the test. Looks like I was wrong about her interest.

But then, that's nothing new apparently. It seems I have been wrong about L_____, J______, and C______ in the last week. It's always good to have a reality check once in a while. I think my ego was getting a little too large.

But as large as my ego was, and as small as it has shrunken to, I still met A____ at the HFAC to go to a play. She actually showed up. That was nice. We went to the play and I tried to make conversation with her. It was a little dull and forced. She appeared to have trouble looking at me. She didn't really ask me anything about myself. She appeared to enjoy talking with her friends who were there more than trying to get to know me.

Of course, there are numerous possible explinations for these behaviors. I would put money on her being a little shy. Or maybe it was the pustule spewing forth green gobs from my chin.

What do you think. Should I have plastic surgery?

Anyway, she seemed to loosen up a little after the play when we went to the resturant. But there didn't seem to be much interest there on either end. She does like to climb, so I may call her in a few weeks to see if she wants to go climbing. The problem is that there is no excitement there, even as I say that.

Which takes me back to the running analogy. There is no race right now that I know about that I can enter to even go all out. The only one was L______, and I was disqualified right out of the gate. Bummer.

I need to find another race to run. Hopefully an exotic one.

Running

I ran the Rex Lee Run 5k with JoJoba and her roommate this morning. They did a good job. They ran the whole way. I stayed with them the whole time. I always wonder how fast I can run, but I only sign up for races when I have people to run with. I would rather run with them and keep them company than go all out. Which is fun in its own way, but to some extent doesn't make much sense. I can always do training runs with people. Maybe I'm just afraid of how bad I would do if I actually tried in a race.

I wonder if that goes for my dating life too. There are plenty of women out there that I can keep up with. Do I go out with them to prove to myself that I feel like I can reach higher afterward? Am I afraid to go all out and try for the biggest goals because I don't know if I can do it? Part of me wonders if that's the case. The other part says, "no."

Actually, L____ is a good example of me going for it. I've gone for it quite a bit. I've always crashed and burned sooner or later, but at least I've gone for it.

Maybe someday I'll sign up for a race just to go all out and see what I can do.

Awesome!

I wish I had read this five hours ago: BCACL Team on Kilimanjaro

I would have made my students in my Psych Testing and Measurement Class read and discuss it. So many people look at a diagonsis of disability and make judgements limiting the possibilities for others. This story is just one more indication that we can never know what someone can or cannot do.

Don't ever judge or limit someone else by the way you act around them. Instead, why not help them? I loved this quote from the article:

"Whilst many 'healthy' climbers reportedly perform expeditions to raise awareness for different charities, the BCACL team members needed no one else to delegate on, in order to reach the top of Africa. They climbed the peak themselves, thus proving they're not a subject of charity, but of admiration....these climbers took values of collaboration up to the very summit. Lack of such convictions have made much more experienced climbers, busy fighting each other and feeding their egos, to fail in their goals much too often."

That's so true.

Three's Company

I ran into C____ today. I asked her to go to the bass recital of my friend Regan on Saturday during the day. She said she had to take a test, but if she got done in time, then she could go. I'm pretty positive she'll finish her test on time. So that's a go. I think I'll keep it at only two dates on Saturday.

J____ called me last night and invited me over to watch some of Gilmore Girls. She said it would help me understand her and her roommates better. I went over and the show was full of lots of interesting stuff. Girls kissing girls, raves, scantily clad women and men doing lots of interesting stuff, etc. Up until that point, I thought I understood them pretty well. So when I saw all that, I was a little confused. What does she want me to understand about them?

I actually commented in a somewhat joking manner about what the show was portraying, and her roommate became all defensive and disinvited me from ever coming over to watch the show again. Funny stuff.

Yep. It definitely helped me understand her and her roommates a little more.

Fascinating.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Who doesn't believe that the decision to invade Iraq was a poor one? I'm interested in their reasoning. President Bush has now announced that it will be up to his successor to decide when and how the troops will come home. Sounds like we are in another quagmire to me. If we leave early, the country will fall into civil war and anarchy, thousands will die, and in the end a strong, charismatic leader will probably brutally take control and we will be left where we started.

If, on the other hand, we stay there and try to put the country back together at the same rate and level of effort we are currently putting into it, anarchy will continue, thousands will die, and we will spend billions in nation-building that may, or may not, show any tangible results. In the end, a future president of the U.S. will decide that enough is enough, and pull out. From here, we go back to the first option.

If on the other hand, we commit ourselves fully to the process and up our level of intervention, we will probably tick off the remaining undecided people, and some of our allies as well, with an increased U.S. military presence, and the insurgency will strengthen. In the end, we will spend billions of dollars more, anarchy will continue, thousands will die, and we will end up spending our resources and finally pulling out, taking us back to option one.

Best case scenario: all the insurgents decide to lay down their weapons and take part in a civil dialogue about the need for tolerance and patience as they work hand in hand for a new government incorporating all three of the major religious viewpoints in the country. Chance that this will happen: 0%

Most realistic best case scenario: we continue at the level of intervention we are at, and the sectarian violence peaks from it's current upward climb, and then slowly decreases as the activities of the newly formed government begin to take more and more effect in peoples lives, and less people believe that violence will change where the country is headed. In this scenario, we still spend billions of dollars, thousands die in the anarchy, and in the end, long years from now, we have a rebuilt, viable Iraqi State that functions through democratic means.

If this last case were to happen, I believe it would take at least twice as long as it already has, and that's a very optimistic view. We're already at three.

I honestly don't believe this will happen. Too many U.S. soldiers do ghastly, dishonorable things, such as the Marines I heard about today that were attacked by a roadside bomb so they went to the three nearest houses and summarilly shot all the men, women, and children inside. 23 defensless Iraqis were killed in cold blood by U.S. soldiers who were mad about being attacked. As long as this goes on, few Iraqis will trust the U.S. to help them build a new country. Plus, most of the Arab world feels very criticized by the U.S., and does not look on our activities with a friendly eye. If you think our media focus on the negative is bad, the Arab press is ten times worse. With this kind of focus on the negative, there's no way people are going to start saying: "Wow, these Americans aren't as bad as we thought. Maybe we should help them out." If they were going to do this, it would have happened long ago.

Sorry, call me pessimistic, but we are responsible for the condition of that country (consider that we were instrumental in bringing Sadam Hussein to power in the first place), and we haven't done anywhere near the quality of job we should have.

So it doesn't matter what adventure you choose here. It looks like all roads lead to Rome...burning.

Preventative vs. Preemptive

TOTN yesterday discussed the difference between a preemptive war and a preventative war, along with the morality and the international law regarding these practices. Preventive war is when you go to war against a nation in order to prevent something happening later, but there is no imminent threat. A preemptive war is when there is an imminent threat and you strike first to avoid too many casualties. Evidently, the U.S. has a long history or preemptive war, and this is not against international law, whereas preventative war is against international law. There is little question in most peoples’ minds about the morality of a preemptive war, whereas arguments abound regarding preventative wars. For example, some assert that preventative action against Germany in the ‘30s when they re-militarized the Rhine-land would have saved the world a long and costly war.

So it seems that I am in violation of international law. I have a long history of preventative war maneuvers. I often will stop going out with someone long before it comes to a crisis if I am pretty sure I am not interested in them. Whereas, I am terrible at the preemptive thing. I will often ask someone out that one last time when it is pretty obvious that they are not interested, just to find out. So much for morality and international law in my dating life.

Now on to what you are all waiting for: A____ called me back last night a few minutes after I left a message. I assume she was screening her calls and checked with her friend _e___ to see if I was psycho or not before she called me back. She said she had been to the play already, but would be willing to go again since she has to do a report on it. So, even if nothing else works out, at least I will have helped someone in their schooling.

Maybe that will make up for the immorality of any preventative measures that I may take in the future.

Datecrusher Update

So I gave up on the analyses and decided to just go for the gusto. I got A___'s number from _e___, M_____'s roommate, and gave her a call.

Yep. She didn't answer. I left a message. We'll see if she calls back anytime in the next millenium.

The biggest problem is that I don't really have any other time to do something with her than Saturday night, so I can't really ask anyone else out until I hear from her.

Maybe this is what Brother Brigham meant when he said we would get ourselves "rich and fat and busy, and kick ourselves down to H____." Oh wait, he said Lazy instead of Busy. I was pretty close.

Guitars Unplugged Is The Devil Datecrusher

Both L_____ and J_____ turned me down today because they are going to Guitars Unplugged, Saturday. Maybe they're going together.

Seriously, how am I supposed to learn not to analyze when my analyses are pretty much spot on?

Neither of them even said anything about wanting to do anything any other time. So that's pretty much it for both of them. I've done my part. Now let's see what they do. Meanwhile, I move on to a pasture that I hopefully won't get kicked out of so quickly. But first I have to find it.

The funny thing, is that it doesn't even hurt. I don't feel bad about their rejections. I've been rejected way too many times. Mostly I'm just irritated that I bought tickets to the play and I still have no one to go with. How annoying is that? This has happened a lot lately. Any time I actually plan ahead and get tickets, I end up scrambling at the end after getting rejected by five or six girls. One time I got up to eight. Maybe I'll beat that record this weekend.

I've thought about asking C_____, but she already said she has a performance every weekend between now and the end of the semester. So she probably has a performance that night, making asking her out futile. Plus she is the former roomate of B_____, my latest, greatest failure. That would be wierd. And she is 8 years younger than me, and I don't really know if it is worth the hassel hurting her.

I could ask out M_____ but she is already bitter that I don't like her, and this would be a wierd thing, throwing her off, and making her end up hating me more.

I could ask M_____'s roommate for the number of A_____, whom I met briefly at their place Sunday, but she has a performance next Wednesday that I am sure she is frantically trying to prepare her cast for. Plus there would be the whole drama of me asking out a friend of M_____'s roommate, and then it could also come back to J_____ who is in our FHE group.

The set-up mill is working, but slowly, so there's no possibilities there for this weekend. Maybe I'll just go to the WSC tomorrow and ask a random girl. Or I could give the tickets to my roommate and go hide under a rock.

How frustrating.

Axioms

Commenting on a friend's blog tonight, I found myself suddenly spouting axioms like a cliche fountain. I think I thought I was some kind of guru. But I found myself desiring to broadcast my code of life to the world (via my blog with a readership of 5+or-2 loyal family and friends). Thus, these are some of the beliefs that govern the way I live and interact with others. In no particular order:

Axioms

1. People are more resilient than we think.
2. We play a lot smaller role in people’s lives than we think.
3. You are the only person who has to be around you 24 hours a day, so play to your most loyal fan: make sure you entertain yourself.
4. Be your number 1 fan.
5. You know exactly the right information to make the best decision possible right at this moment.
6. You are a valid person.
7. People interact with you because of who you are, so don’t try to be someone different.
8. Everyone is pretty much doing the best they know how.
9. You don't necessarily know what is best for another person.
10. Be you and let your personality shine through.
11. Find ways to do things that are in harmony with your personality.
12. You have as much worth as anyone else.
13. You don’t have any more worth than anyone else.
14. You have a valid perspective.
15. People around you have valid perspectives.
16. Find the truth in others’ perspectives.
17. Listen.
18. Work hard.
19. Pray hard.
20. Study hard.
21. Play hard.
22. Have fun.
23. Relax.
24. Sleep.
25. Exercise.
26. Eat.

Feel free to tell me yours. I may even adopt or adapt.

Battlefronts

I threw the analyses out the window last night and called L____.

Her phone was turned off. I didn't leave a message. I don't think she will see that I called. I haven't had much luck with the phone and L_____, so I am resorting back to what has worked. I emailed her this morning inviting her to go to a play and maybe climbing on Saturday. The climbing is iffy since I don't know yet if my toe can handle it.

Besides email being more successful than phone in the past with L____, I decided to do the email thing because I think I can sound a little more relaxed and witty through email than on a random phone call. I think talking to them in person is the best, but when that isn't possible, it totally depends on your relationship with them. Which is why I chose to go with the email this time. She may feel that the phone is a bit too much.

Oops. Looks like I bridged into analyses again. Oh well. I don't think it's possible to talk about it and not analyze it. Possible, maybe, but really boring. So, we'll see what happens.

In other news, I met a woman last night who was somewhat interesting. I felt restricted in trying to get to know her, though, since I met her at an apartment of M_____, who I am sure is bitter about me not liking her. Then I saw the new woman again briefly at the apartment of J____. I guess it feels a little lecherous to be outright pursuing another woman in the presence of all the roommates of the women who are interested in me at the moment.

And my friends down in Atlanta want to set me up with the daughter of their grandchildrens' piano teacher. They are of another faith, but the daughter is LDS, so they thought there might be some possibility there. Sure, why not? I'm flattered, as always that people want to set me up with people. I think it shows that they care about me. It's a very caring gesture. And I always like meeting new people, although I feel somewhat like a gambler going on so many blind dates. But that's an issue for another post.

Update

I went out with J_____ last night. She's a nice girl; a little timid. We had some good conversation, but it was a little forced at times. I guess I like a little more spunk in women than she was showing. I'll give it some time, though. Maybe she's just shy. I'm definately not motivated to push harder for a relationship of any kind.

At the same time, I am trying to get my mum to set me up with a woman she knows in Orem. Initial descriptions sound interesting. She sounds talented and smart. Two things I like. She plays the piano, which I love. So why not?

Meanwhile, I'm trying to decide when to call L_____. I have to remember not to analyze this one too much.

However, in the past when I have tried not to analyze, and just go with what I wanted to do, I always ended up calling too soon. I don't know what it is about women, but in my (vast :) expereince, they get freaked out if you call them before unknown set amount of time has gone by. I was just told this week that this set time is three days. The three day rule, someone called it. I had never heard of that before.

How about it, women? Is there really a three day rule? It seems to me the rule women actually operate by isn't so hard and fast. Sometimes, it seems more like a three week rule.

The way I figure it, the more the woman likes you, the sooner you can call, and have it not wierd her out. The less she likes you, the longer you have to wait before she thinks you are desparate and scary.

The other question I am running up against, is: what if either J_____ or L_____ finds my blog?

That would be a hillarious adventure. Someone could make a movie about it. Maybe I should write a book about it. I could publish chapters on my blog. That would be fun.

Oh wait, I'm already doing it. It's called my life. Hope you enjoy it.

Cure for the common cold!

Just what we always needed! I've found the cure to what's ailing us! Check it out:

http://podstar.homestarrunner.com/

Strong Bad emails and Teen Girl Squad podcasts! What could be better than that? Now all I need is a video ipod.

Addiction

Flipping through the channels today, the only interesting thing I found on the tube was c-span coverage of the Senate Judiciary Committee. They were discussing the problems we are experiencing in this country with oil companies. Evidently, since 1991 or something, the five major oil companies have gone from owning about 25%-30% of the nation's shares of oil to over 50%. And they seem to be engaging in cooperative actions to price fix and under sell the small-time competition. Also, last year, Exon-Mobile, the biggest of the oil companies posted the largest profits ever for any company in the United States. Yet consumers are paying more for oil and gas than ever before, and people are being forced to survive the winter without heat because they can't afford to heat their house and eat. It doesn't take much to begin believing that something needs to be done.

Evidently Senators on the Judiciary Committee felt the same way. I was impressed by the proceedings of the committee. Evidently, there was bipartisan support for a bill aimed at changing the anti-trust laws and heading towards solving this problem of our addiction to oil. This bipartisanship is nice for me to see. They just aren't doing anything drastic enough to fix the oil problem, in my opinion. But I'm sure my drastic measures would create economic havoc and not be feasible. As much as I hate to admit it, the Judiciary Committee is probably going about it the best way they can.

Tragedy

I don't know how it happened, but I sprained my left big toe and my right thumb yesterday.

I know when it happened. It was on the landing after going off the one little cliff they have at Sundance. It was a little baby cliff, but I didn't back up far enough. I had to really launch myself off the edge just to clear it, but I didn't have enough speed to fly far enough and land in the soft snow further down. Instead I did a little wimpy fall onto the icy slope below the cliff.

But really, how do you sprain your toe doing that? I don't get it. I mean, break a leg; dislocate a shoulder; something; but sprain a toe? One toe? Who does that?

The big tragedy, however, is: will I be able to climb next week if L_____ actually wants to go? I may go to squish my feet into my climbing shoes and yelp in pain. Or maybe I'll get the shoes on fine, but as soon as I try to toe a hold, I'll be on the floor, rolling in pain.

Or maybe I'm just a wimp and it will be fine by then. It's actually not so bad now. I think I'll be okay.

Tragedy averted.

Now back to those darned analyses.

Analyses

Some have said I analyze things too much. I would definately agree with them. In fact, I've been doing way too much analyzing lately and it's killing me. I did four hours of analyses on Saturday, only to figure out later that I had done them all wrong. So Monday I redid them all. Another two hours down the drain, since I discovered that somehow one of the settings I thought was set, wasn't set and I ended up doing the analyses wrong again. Bummer. I definately analyze things way too much.

Now about the women in my life. L______ called today and left a message that she was busy and couldn't go climbing this weekend. But she said she definately wanted to go sometime, and that maybe next week would be better. Sounds like she is giving a different relationship a chance to work out, and keeping me in tow just in case.

Is that analyzing too much? Well, that's alright, because I just asked J_____ out for Saturday. J______ is another of the long line of women that I have gone out with in the past. But she's one of the recent ones. She's pretty mellow, which is definately offsetting me. That's probably a good thing. She's nice and smart and cute. We should have some fun.

However, I feel kind of guilty asking her or anyone else out when I am a little more interested in someone else. I think part of it goes back to the costly war going on. It's the war of my dating life, and there are innumerable casualties. In fact, I've considered making a memorial. That would be interesting. What I have to remember, is that behind all those numbers, there are real women with hopes and dreams and lives. Some are still struggling with the wounds. I wish it were not this way. Thankfully, some have recovered well, which gives me some hope that I don't have as much influence on their lives as I think I do.

So much for not analyzing too much.

Ports World 2

It sounds like the study to examine port security in the U.S. came to unsettling conclusions. Surpirse! There is no current port security! And there never has been. Oh yeah, except in Seattle. What does this mean about the Dubai Ports World deal? In my mind, it says that we would be no worse off having Ports World run our security operations in the U.S. ports, than we are with most of the other operations already in place, including Maersk, the company bought out by Ports World.

Here's my reasoning: The study found severe security lapses at almost every port in the U.S. This has been going on forever. So effectively, all we have done is get another Arab country mad at us by telling them that they would decrease the security of our ports. It seems to me that they have a right to be mad. We've been sitting around with out proverbial pants down our entire lives. Yet as soon as an Arab company tries to conduct legitimate business in our country, we act all surprised, get extremely defensive and offensive, and tell them that we won't tollerate them being around us because they might pull down our pants.

Sounds like we are what most of the world already thinks of us: racist, bigoted, narcissistic, self-righteous, hypocritical pigs.

If I were of any other nationality, that's what I would think. Oh, wait, I don't have to be of another nationality, I do think that.

Replacement?

I went to the Museam of Art cafe today to get a lunch to go, and L____ was there with a guy. She tried to ignore me. Funny. It's also funny that I saw a friend first before I saw L_____ and went and talked to the friend for a while before noticing to my shock that L_____ was there as well. So maybe she was trying to pay me back. Or maybe she just didn't know how do deal with a slightly uncomfortable situation. Or maybe she isn't that interested. Or maybe.....Whatever the case, it was a random and interesting development. We'll see if she contacts me here. Whatever happens, I figure that if it was "meant to be" then a few more days don't matter anyway. So no pressure. I don't believe it was "meant to be" by any means, but maybe there's a possibility there.

In a somewhat related vein, I've been very annoyed by politicians lately and their reactionary and inflamatory rhetoric. The whole Dubai Ports World issue is such a stupid one. President Bush is the only voice of reason in the country it sounds like. Everyone else is alienating our allies and driving other Arab countries and peoples farther into their hatred of the U. S., and confirming their belief that Americans are biased against Islamic people. Party doesn't matter in this issue. Both Democrats and Republicans are jumping on a bandwagon trying to show everyone that they are interested in national security, when the actual results of their rhetoric will be to damage our national security. All because they want to be reelected this fall. Wisdom and moderation left the scene in Washington decades ago, if it was even ever there.

Steaming

I really gotta get to bed.

But before I do, I can't keep quiet about one thing. It seems we are destined to never live down the negative stereotypes of BYU. This year, no women are even running for BYUSA President or Vice President, yet apparently 90% of the candidates' campaign staff are women.

All criticism of the usefulness of these trophy offices asside, are there no women out there willing to step out of the shadow of the unenlightened past? Yet they are willing to stand there in their best dress, holding a poorly painted, ugly sign, with non-matching colors in an attempt to attract* voters. Shame on the women for not having a little gumption themselves. And shame on the men for using them yet again as has been done for millenia. I'm angry and ashamed at the implications of this blatant symbolism.

*And yes, I did mean this as well.

Good Night.

Resolution

She called. She says she was working last night. LIKELY STORY! :)

So I met her at noon, gave her back her snow pants, and loaned her my book. I wish that I could have talked to her more, but she had class to get to. And I don't know if she wanted to talk or not.

The plan from here is to let her be for a week or so, to give her time to believe that I'm not desperate. I'll see if she contacts me before then. And I'll go out with other people so I'm not just stewing about it. Next week sometime, I'll see if she wants to go climbing. That should be fun. I think she wants to do that at least.

Part 2

I called L____ last night and she didn't pick up. Probably with another guy. Anyway, I left a message that I had the book and her snow pants and we could arange a drop-off. I thought it was a fairly non-pressured message, but afterward, I still wondered if it was too much too soon. I thought she had a fun time, but I could have been wrong. She didn't return my call last night. We'll see what happens today. I won't be contacting her again for a week or more if she doesn't contact me. That would be a pretty sure sign, I think.

Anyway, I have lots to do today. Check out "Worst Weather Ever"'s blog (in my links section) about President Bush playing cricket in Pakistan. It's pretty funny. It's even more funny because I'll bet President Bush didn't know the rules for cricket, so he thought he was supposed to run when he got hit with the ball, like in Baseball, but the news media has interpreted it as him posturing and threatening the pitcher. Either way, it's hillarious, and Worst Weather Ever is correct in saying, "good thing it was just a tennis ball, not a cricket ball."

That's it for now.

Romance?

Is is romantic for your date to be afraid an avalanche will come down and burry you all? Or is she just trying to get a little comfort from her date? At any rate, last night was a lot of fun for me, and I think that L___ had a good time too. We talked constantly. We have a lot in common. And sledding down a long track at night in the mountains after hiking a half mile is a lot better than usual sledding excursions. She said she doesn't like the threat of death and dismemberment that comes with the usual short, steep sledding hills. I agree.

Anyway, I was more nervous for this date than I have been in a long long time. I actually thought she was out of my league. I asked her out thinking that there wasn't a chance; that she was probably dating someone, or thought I was creepy, or that she had plans, or something, anything. But she surprised me by saying she thought it would be fun. Who would have thought?

And when I randomly* met her earlier saturday at the store, she seemed pretty excited to see me and talk to me. That was flattering and surprising. It was fun.

*There have been a lot of "random" occurances with her and me. Uncanny, I should say, the way she came to the research meeting just after I had received an email about a possible study at New Haven, and she had just started working at New Haven, where I used to work.

Uncanny, and slightly irrie as well, how, when I explained my worst nightmare from childhood, she was surpised and said I had just described her worst nightmare from childhood that she had never been able to describe.

Uncanny, and interesting as well, how she has won multiple passes to The Quarry in the last year and has come to decide that climbing is something she really enjoys, has been pushed towards by fate, but doesn't have the gear, and would like to go climbing with me.

Uncanny? Perhaps.

But the thing I find most interesting is her major of making documentaries. That is so cool. I want to see some of the stuff she has done. Hopefully that will come in time.

Tired

I only have four essays left to grade out of the 130 + pages of essays I had to grade this week. I don't know what I was thinking last year when I created this assignment. I'm so tired. I don't want to do the last essays for a while. I just want to sit and veg. for a while. But I have so much to do. Man. I need a nap.

Averted

My existential crisis is over. Or at least it's safely subsided to just a whimper. I was lost and bewildered for a few hours, but I am found again. I can go on with life and see where it leads from here. I haven't yet figured out the meaning, but at least I know where I am again. The view from here is interesting. It wasn't what I thought it would be, but it has it's advantages, for sure. Running this morning helped a lot too. Just getting out and doing something was great. Now I just have to focus on getting those cursed papers corrected. I can't believe how long it is taking me. This is insane. And I have too much else to do. I even got a letter saying the article that I submitted for publication last summer or fall was finally reviewed and given a "revise and resubmit." That's pretty good, but it means a whole lot more work for me to do to get it ready for resubmission. And I have to do it soon. Let alone the other four research projects I am working on. Okay, before I stress myself out, I'm going to work.